I found this trying to find my Smite client…
"You’ve never gotten used to being with someone.
You thought it’d get easier from what you’ve read in books and seen in movies. It seems so natural to everyone else but it was hard for to let your guard down enough to let someone see you, you decided to let them all have a piece of what you wanted them to see. You’ve always been had by everyone. The girl who they go to when they need someone to feel. You would embody each and every one of their fantasies to feel wanted. They only called when they wanted your voice spiraled around their dick.
When the first saw you, your mind was dancing with the new drugs you were on. You never saw him put it in your drink. When he first touched you, he left bruises on your skin. Black and blue reminders of what you were to him. Drawing flowers in the patterns, you convinced yourself they didn’t hurt. “It’s the drugs doing this. He cares. You’re his, you’re his. He can do what he wants to you.” He called you a tease when you denied him and gripped your arms so tight you were convinced you were going to pop out of your skin. After a while, there was no use saying no. He took what he wanted. When you masturbated to the thought of him you felt used in an empty room.
You didn’t have the strength to say no when you saw the second. You were so tired of being alone you would tear yourself out from within to make him want you. He took that as you were inable to say no and stopped asking. He was never gentle but this one left internal bruising. You are nothing. You are worthless.
You met the third during a “break” the second wanted. He was convinced before we met he wanted to spend the rest of his life with you. He told you you were beautiful before he slapped you. You turned over so you didn’t have to see what you were getting yourself into.
The fourth was forceful, unkind. Manipulative. You still can’t touch yourself without feeling sick. It’s not your fault, it’s not your fault. You didn’t see his fist coming. You woke up to his weight on you. You still feel his nails in your wrist. Although he’s taken care of, the nightmares still haunt you. You wake up gasping for what you used to be.
He’s different. The first you didn’t fuck the first time you saw him. You don’t have to flinch when his hand moves. He’s not going for your neck, baby, he’s going for your heart. When he raises his voice remember this. His fingers were the first to not set fire across your skin. He wasn’t a stranger in your body, there was nothing foreign about him. It was only him, him. The voices in your head stopped screaming. You were happy to exist. Arguments are tough but temporary. Empty your head and let your guard down. He just wants to talk to you. Work at this, baby, and it could be the best thing you’ve gotten yourself into.”
Every person in your life is either a lesson or a blessing.
it makes me sick how thirsty for attention you are now, when you didn’t even want mine.
No warmth to the slightest thought of you, no form to the memory of your body, no desire to your touch, no passion comes at looking at your face through a cold fluorescence. Nothing close,
only you, naked, face dripping in cum, holding my desecrated spine in your pale, shaking hands.
You wink at me as throw my spine at my feet. I watch your hips twitch as you walk away from me.
That’s all I can think about when you come to mind. Maybe that’s the only reason I said I love you back.
I paid for my lust with my spine.
I’m so happppy ah cute boys are the best
(esp cute boys who eat ass)
So glad I rip my spine out for selfish people. Neat.